It is hard to think of. It is hard to talk of, and it’s hard to experience. For women who have had trouble getting pregnant, it can be an especial fear. But talking about it can help, as can reaching out to others who understand the pain of losing a baby.This week we have invited a very special guest to talk about miscarriage after trying for a baby:
Franchesca Cox is the founder of Still Standing Magazine and is currently a contributing writer there. She’s also on the brink of releasing her new project and website for grieving mothers, Facets of Grief, which will be a place for grieving mothers to “work” through or explore their grief through creative prompts and self-care.
1 – Who are you? Tell us a little about yourself and what you do.
I’m Franchesca Cox. Married to my best friend, mother to two earth babies, and one that I mother between Heaven and Earth. Words, color and yoga are my therapy. I used to think life was linear, but have discovered it to be a whirlwind of an adventure. That used to scare me, but there is liberty in letting wonder and love reign in your life.
2 – Have you experienced the loss of a child, miscarriage, or still birth?
Yes. Seven years ago, almost to the date, we lost our first child after spending thirteen days in the NICU. She was an amazing little girl and the way her tiny life continues to impact my life never ceases to amaze me. Her courage and fight inspires me daily.
3 – How often do people who have experienced miscarriage seek your services?
Almost every week I get messages or emails from bereaved mothers, who are fresh in their grief who have found my websites through Google or referred by a friend or family member.
4 – Is it normal for people to feel a certain way after experiencing a miscarriage?
There is no right or wrong way to feel after loss, in my opinion. Some might feel numbness, anger, depression and on it goes. Grief has no rules and while it might have parallels with other peoples’ stories and scenarios, every experience is as unique as our individual fingerprints.
5 – Is it normal to grief the loss of an embryo?
Yes, absolutely. You grieve because you love. That is true for any expecting mother, regardless of the gestational age. Your mother heart was created the moment you learned about this baby, maybe even before that. It is no wonder mothers who miscarry grieve just as heavily as those who have lost children after birth.
6 – What are key tips for grieving in a healthy way?
Let grief have her way in your heart, and be gentle on yourself. Grief will feel impossible and heavier than anything you’ve ever felt in your life, but you will get through it. You will never get over your loss, but you will learn to live with the pain and this new reality of mothering a child you can no longer hold. There is no way around it, only walking through it will we ever get through the part of grief that feels endless.
7 – When should we seek counseling or grief support? How can we identify that we may need help?
I struggle with this, because it is different for everyone, but my intuition would be to say that if you feel you don’t have a solid support system in place, you are struggling to function for a period of time, you are feeling despair and hopeless about life in general, and you feel like you have no one to talk to it is crucial to seek that support from a grief support group or counselor.
8 – What can we do to help others struggling not only to conceive, but who may also have experienced a miscarriage?
Master the skill of listening. So often when we see someone hurting, without realizing it we are put out of our own comfort zones. We don’t like to see people hurting, and our instinct is to throw anything at them (food, advice, money, gifts), so that they might feel better. Most of the time the only thing a woman who has just had a miscarriage needs is a listening ear. Someone she can talk to about the child she loved, the child she barely knew, yet had a lifetime of memories to make.
We want to invite all to follow Franchesca on social media.
Like her Facebook page (that is how we found her!).
Follow her Instagram, where she shares pure jewels of wisdom.
And of course, don’t take a look to her Pinterest where you can find a lot of resources on the subject.
Thank you, Franchesca, for advocating with us!.
The Stork OTC Team